I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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