I'm really into asian looking animals
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
