Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
