ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
