you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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