You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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