We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
