i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
