im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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