don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
