Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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