Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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