the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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