FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
