The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
