he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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