the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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