i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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