Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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