I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
