I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
