If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
