weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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