Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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