and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
