It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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