I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
