This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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