Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
