The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
