You don't have asthma, your pregnant
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize