If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
