More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
