After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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