I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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