dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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