Someone shit on the floor
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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