I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
