I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
