If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
