After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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