it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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