I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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