why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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