I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
