I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
