You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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