I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
barbara walters just said penis...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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