I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Come share oat with me in your robe
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
