last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
