Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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