You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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