Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
