escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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