can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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