Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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