I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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