so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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