Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He shit in the fireplace
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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