I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
