Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
