she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
