You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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