Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
