Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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