Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
