Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
