We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
