I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
