I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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