despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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