Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
