he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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