How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
