i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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