I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
