i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.