oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
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nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.