I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
