Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.