Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.